We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
