Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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