is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
