i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Never underestimate the power of titties
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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