My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
