Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
