She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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