Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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