I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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