Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
dude. I can hear the air.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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