So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
