my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize