There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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