Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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