before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
