I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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