You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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