I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it because I queefed?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
