My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
