no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
