oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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