my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Is it because I queefed?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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