Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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