I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My liver just had a heart attack.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
