I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
