so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
