3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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