Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need to sanitize my soul.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
