i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
