What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
