Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
