So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
