I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
