I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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