dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
