I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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