someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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