Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
