i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
