I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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