I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
