Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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