if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's shark week go big or go home
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
