I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
