DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
