He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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