there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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