i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
