im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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