Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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