I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
