it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
