all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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