Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
