the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
