never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
