Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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