remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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