Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I stole a fireplace last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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