I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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