Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
