Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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