he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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