keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
