Umm I'm too high to move.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
