If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
