I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize