My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
