and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
