sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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