xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
