She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
