I faked an abortion last night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
