i barfeds in our rink
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize