Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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