If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
