she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
