So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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