It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
