if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
